


Like a Fool

by Inalovelyplace



Series: Playlist [1]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Begin Again, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Ingrid Michaelson - Freeform, Lady GaGa - Freeform, Like a Fool by Kiera Knightly, Music, Singing, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-27 11:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5047369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inalovelyplace/pseuds/Inalovelyplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is in a bar when he hears a voice from a life he lived long ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like a Fool

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written, so this might be a little rusty but I was in a writing mood today. The song is from the movie Begin Again, but I'm gonna pretend she wrote it because I'm trash. Let me know if it's worth writing a second chapter?

Tom sat at the bar, nursing a glass of scotch as his eyes scanned the room. The pub was a little hole-in-the-wall, dimly lit place on a side street of New York, barely known about by anyone. So, of course, it came on excellent recommendation.

His gaze resettled on the glass before him as someone tapped a microphone to test it. He let the noise fade into the background as the man spoke, introducing the next performance group. A quiet shuffling as the singer switched places with the emcee and a whispered "thank you" almost out of range of the live mic. A quiet hum to tune and a keyboard opened the song,

_"We take a chance from time to time"_

Tom nearly choked on his sip of scotch as his heart dropped into his abdomen. He turned to look at the Ghost of Christmas Past that sat on the stage.

_"And put our necks out on the line"_

God. It had been five years.

_"And you have broken every promise that we made"_

Something cold settled itself in the pit of his stomach, right about where his heart had landed when it fell. She looked so different, and somehow exactly the same. Wine colored lipstick still graced the soft curve of her lips, but the glasses were gone. The cute little black hat he bought for her on their first trip to Times Square still appeared glued to the top of her head, but her long mane of curly hair was chopped to just past her shoulders, all one length and now the reddish brown was replaced with a faded, mauve-ish color on the ends leading up to ebony locks.

_"And I have loved you just the same"_

The lyric caused his his heart to twist in an odd way. The sound of her soft voice drew him back to memories of dancing in the kitchen, half dressed and giggling in the soft morning light. She always sang to him while one of them cooked, pop songs or show tunes, old Irish lullabies and quiet love ballads.

_"Took a fine time to leave me hangin' out to dry"_

Another stab of guilt, it was like she had chosen the song because she knew he was there.

_"Understand now I'm grieving, so don't you waste my time"_

Tom felt suddenly self-conscious, could she see him? Surely with the stage lights...

_"Cause you have taken all the wind from out my sails"_

He shifted in his chair, tilting towards the bar and taking another sip to try and calm himself.

_"And I have loved you just the same"_

She can't see me. She can't see me. He repeated in his mind calmly. Tom found himself shocked at his own response to this turn of events, but an evil little voice in the back of his head reminded him that it was his choice to end it.

_"We finally find this, then you're gone"_

Did she write this for him? Or was it a cover he had never heard?

_"Been chasin' rainbows all along"_

Tom gathered his strength and turned back to the stage, she was smiling. She threw a wink at someone in the crowd and he felt and odd bit of jealousy seep into his chest, maybe it was just the alcohol.

_"And you have cursed me when there's no one left to blame"_

She exchanged a look with the keyboard player to her left, why was he so thrown off by this? He was Tom Fucking Hiddleston, suave and charming movie star. But the voice in his head reminded him that she was The Girl That Got Away.

_"And I have loved you just the same"_

God there was so much weight to those words, a guilty heart thumped in his chest. Her cute swaying brought her gaze around his way and as she approached the last lines of the song. His heart seemed to stop:

_"And you have broken every single fucking rule"_

She was looking right at him, such sadness in her eyes

_"And I have loved you... Like a fool"_


	2. The Chain

He was jittery the rest of the performance, constantly rubbing his palms on his jeans as he watched her win over the crowd. By the end, he could tell, nearly every man and woman had fallen for her sweet demeanor and soft voice just like he had so many years ago.

Tom felt like his emotions had been dropped in the martini shaker and taken for a spin. Pride at her accomplishments, yet jealous that he hadn't been the one sharing it with her. And guilt, so much guilt. About five years worth, to be exact. How had he not felt it then? Was he really so busy? Then again...

He let out a sigh and stared into his empty tumbler as the thought crossed his mind. His busy schedule had been quite a bit of the reason their relationship failed. They really didn't even get a proper goodbye, the breakup happened slowly while he was away filming and promoting. It was only when he was reading a magazine on a flight and saw an ad for engagement rings and she came to mind. He had a brief moment of excitement, a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach, then he realized that the last text from her was nearly a month old, and had gone unreplied.

His damned career let her slip away, or maybe it pushed her away. He couldn't be sure. Either way it twisted him up inside. He had to speak to her after the show, he had to try and make it right.

Several more covers and a few surprising originals later, they appeared to be wrapping up.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I wanna thank you all for coming out tonight, for bearing with us and our excitement. Of course I'm gonna thank Tim and Connie for letting us play here," she paused to give a nod to the owners in their corner booth, "my amazing band members, Mike on keys" the short man at the keyboard played an equally short riff and she giggled, "and our amazing bassist Cal, whose harmonies were killing it this evening, by the way" she tossed him a wink, much to Tom's dismay, "and of course to all the beautiful people that have inspired our music," Either the alcohol in his system (which, honestly, was not very much. He was really more of a social drinker) was causing Tom to hallucinate or she had actually nodded his way when she said that, "anyway, thanks again, we're gonna play you one more song and you'll be rid of us, I swear"

The piano came in again, and he recognized the tune immediately. He could see her, standing at the bay window that looked out over his garden in a t-shirt and little else, singing it up to the clouds

_"The sky looks pissed, the wind talks back, my bones are shifting in my skin, and you, my love, are gone"_

The words had never hit him like they did in that moment, and a new image came to mind. She was still in the t-shirt, still singing to the clouds, but now she was alone. He could picture her, tears stealing mascara down her lovely face as she sang about her love being gone. About him being gone.

_"My room feels wrong, the bed won't fit, I cannot seem to operate. And you, my love, are gone."_

It was never recommended to end on a somber song. But it seemed fitting somehow, though Tom supposed the relevance was only in his mind.

_"So glide away on soapy heels, and promise not to promise anymore"_

The lines of the chorus struck something in him similar to the opening song, and yet this was deeper. Though maybe, he reasoned internally, he was imagining all of it. His own vanity caused him to think all these words were meant for him, that each glance around the room was intending to catch his eye. She didn't even remember him, let alone care enough to sing wistful songs to him in a dingy bar.

_"And if you come around again then I will take the chain from off the door"_

The trying-to-be-stoic actor felt his hold slipping. With the dug up feelings and the dim bar lighting and the scotch, he found himself horrifically on the verge of tears. Tom was not a man ashamed of crying, not one bit, but these unsettled him in a way he couldn't handle.

_"I'll never say that I'll never love. But I don't say a lot of things, and you, my love, are gone"_

The trademark round that the chorus became started, her bandmates joining in for a surprisingly smooth harmony within a group of two men and one woman. The swell of the music and her voice seemingly in his ear caused a single tear to slip down his cheek and drop in the glass. Tom shut his eyes and let the music surround him until it finally faded down to her lone voice again

_"And I will take, and I will take the chain from off the door"_

A cheer erupted from the smitten crowd, breaking the gorgeous moment of silence that had hung in the air after the last note. She broke into a grin that lit up her face and could surely supply power to the greater Manhattan Area.

After another thank you and an obligatory "our CD is available for purchase" they left the stage. Tom's stomach tightened as he saw them suddenly crowded by people, obvious die-hard fans and first time listeners alike flocked to her glow, and the stack of CD's dwindled fast while the money box being handled by a tall, smiley woman filled with bills.

He hung back in his seat, unsure if he even wanted to approach. As the crowd dispersed he watched her exchange hugs with her bandmates and the woman, whom he assumed to be their manager. It was now or never.

Tom set his glass down and stretched a bit as he stood, a horrible voice in his head worrying that she wouldn't even remember him as he made his way over. She had her back to him, bent over a small table with the tall woman

"Really?" She whispered in a not very quiet way, "that's my share of the rent in donations alone!" The woman giggled and looked about to hug her again when he approached. This was it, the moment that he has been thinking about since she stepped on the stage.

"Um, excuse me? Hi.. Sorry" he coughed a little awkwardly and she spun on the spot. God, it had been five years since he'd into those warm brown eyes.

"Oh, hi"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't listened to The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson (This chapter's featured song) please do, it's amazing.


	3. You and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure it's obvious at this point but I feel the need to say that this fic is really music driven, I really like the way it's going so far but I may make it more of a small series with a few chapters per Work. That is if I even keep up my motivation.
> 
> In other news, I wasn't going to give her a name but all of the 'she's and 'her's were bothering me so I named her after my cat. So, Tom and Kit it is.

Tom didn’t know where to begin, they settled into stools at the bar and the bartender refilled Tom’s tumbler and gave her a questioning look

 

“Can I just get a ginger ale with a bunch of cherries?” She asked, looking a little embarrassed at their raised eyebrows, “I don’t like drinking on show nights” she explained, the bartender shrugged and moved to assemble her drink

 

“That’s a new one” Tom thought aloud, eyes focused on his glass as he absentmindedly ran his finger back and forth over the rim

 

“Yeah I guess” she agreed and gave a kind smile to the bartender and slid a crumpled bill across the counter quick as a flash, knowing Tom was already going for his wallet, “Not this time, mister” she chuckled. A song started over the sound system.

 

_“It’s been a long time since I came around”_

 

“So…” he tried again, still at a bit of a loss as he watched her eat a maraschino cherry off the tiny red fruit skewer in her drink.  

 

“So…” she echoed, swirling the cherries around in her soda as if they were the most interesting thing in the the world, “five years”

 

_“It’s been along time but I’m back in town”_

 

“I.. yeah” Tom sighed, wanting to drop his head down on the bar, “I’m sorry this is so.. like this”

 

“it's fine, there isn’t an easy way to do this” she admitted, finally settling her eyes on him. He thought she looked sad, maybe it was the light.

 

_“But this time I’m not leavin’ without you”_

 

Tom shook his head, “God, I’m so sorry, Kit, I’m such an arse” he sighed again and rested his forehead on his palm, she reached out to stroke his arm comfortingly

 

“no, no” she scooted closer, “Tom, it was both of us, really” Kit tried to catch his eye, leaning down a little more, “Look at me, please?” he conceded, raising his eyes to hers. The guilt she found held within those baby blues that used to bring her such joy made Kit’s heart give a painful twist.

 

_“You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh”_

 

“How could I do this? Just let you.. slip away.” he asked, “If that’s even what happened. Did I push you away, Kit? Did I make my job more important than you?” Tom was nearly whispering, chewing  on his lower lip. He looked to her like a guilty child that she wanted to comfort

 

_“I’d give anything again to be your babydoll”_

 

Kit let out a quiet sigh and reached up to turn his face back to her, it made his heart sing knowing that her habit of casual physical affection hadn’t dissipated. Her thumb stroked across his cheekbone and she gave him her gentlest smile yet

 

“Please don’t think what happened is your fault, we both could have made some better decisions. It just.. wasn’t the right time for us, okay?”

 

_“Yeah, this time I’m not leaving without you”_

 

Tom nodded, letting his eyes slide closed as he leaned into her hand, whispering another apology into her palm. The overly intimate moment would have been uncomfortable after not seeing anyone else for five years, but not Kit, never.

 

_“You said sit back down where you belong, in the corner of my bar with your high heels on”_

When Tom opened his eyes she was closer than he thought, closer than what was probably appropriate for two such people as them, though impropriety had never been a worry of hers. The only people to see would have been her bandmates, and it wasn’t as if he’d be recognized in this dimly lit bar. So, he didn’t move in favor of studying her now unfamiliar familiarities of her face. She had new lines around her eyes, laugh lines to be exact, and Tom felt jealous that he hadn’t been there when she got them.

 

_“Sit back down on the couch where we made love for the first time, and you said to me:”_

 

His miniature reverie on the subject of the newfound knowingness in her eyes was broken by her soft voice singing along to the music, but this was quiet, only for him

 

_“there’s something, something about this place. Somethin about lonely nights and my lipstick on your face”_

 

He smiled at the thought, remembering how her dark lipstick would always stain his cheeks and the edges of his mouth. Tom thought about the sweet moments she spent in his lap, carefully cleaning him up with a makeup wipe.

 

_“Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy. There’s something about, baby, you and I”_

He saw something in Kit’s expression change, and she recoiled, looking guilty, “Sorry, I’m sure I’m not helping anything”

 

_“It's been two years since I let you go. I couldn't listen to a joke or Rock and Roll. Muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart”_

 

The lyrics sat uncomfortably between them, she sipped her ginger ale and watched him from the corner of her eye.

 

“I don’t mind” he said quietly, “I just wish I could go back, you know? I wish I would’ve said.. anything” Kit shook her head again

 

“We needed it, Tom, both of us. We needed to grow and change, it’s obviously benefitted us. Look at where you are now, I can’t say quite the same for me but.. I’m happy with where I am.” her comforting hand returned to his forearm

 

_“On my birthday you sang me a heart of gold. With a guitar humming and no clothes. This time I'm not leaving without you”_

 

Tom wanted to fold her into his arms as she hummed along to the song, remembering quiet nights spent reading scripts on the couch as her playlists floated quietly out of the speaker system. She was always either tucked into his shoulder, knees up and humming as she read a book of her own or, on particularly taxing days, stretched out with her head in his lap. Though ‘stretched out’ wasn’t much to say when even with him also sitting on the couch she barely made it past the other armrest.

 

As the song continued Tom found himself again able to gather together his courage and sit up straight again.

 

“I’m gonna be in town for a while yet… Could I see you again?” he asked, sounding like his normal self again. She ate another ginger ale soaked cherry,

 

“Yeah, of course.” Kit smiled at him, he worried if his heart could take prolonged exposure to it.

 

“Is your number still the same? I never got around to deleting it” Tom chuckled, so did she

 

“Yeah, neither did I”

_  
“There’s something about, baby, you and I” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is fuel for me to keep writing so i would love to know how you feel about it


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